I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
