So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
