Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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