He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
