Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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