he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize