the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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