like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
