I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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