it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
