bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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