sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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