OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
