i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
