So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
they need to just BURY HIM!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
