I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
