Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
