nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
