i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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