just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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