Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
