So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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