winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
