We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
