She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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