I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
