Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
