he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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