i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
