he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
