I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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