My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
a search helicopter?!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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