so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
