We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
