so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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