just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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