How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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