At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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