and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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