never play flip cup with pint glasses
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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