I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
