This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
