What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
