and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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