Where is the hickey?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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