Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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