I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
