so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
