She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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