dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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