Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
