Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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