What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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