I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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