sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
