He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
