how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
