I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
