so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
