I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
40s are totally the cure
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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