my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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