The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize