They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just found puke in my bra..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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