I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize