for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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