she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You smell like stripper and shame
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
