Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
