If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
