Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
