she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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