In the future we'll all be gay
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
