I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
