You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
