no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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