Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
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